"Those" Types of People

This morning I woke up and a few different classifications of people ran through my mind. You have:
The Narcissistic Beauty
The Egocentric Intellectual
The Man/Woman who is "Black & Proud"
The Independent Woman
The Ladies Man
The Bum

and the list goes on...

Each "type" of persona has a stigma attached to it in some way. We despise them for being obnoxious or arrogant or whatever. As a matter of fact, people tend to feel as if they have a right to look down on these types for the flaws which seem incompatible with a seemingly gregarious type of world where we should all be outwardly assimilable so that everyone can feel equally relevant.
This frame of mind is clouded with fantastical ideals and truly lacks a horizontal perspective. We are ALL products of our environments and experiences. That self absorbed female was probably made to feel like the world revolves around her for a great deal of her life and quite possibly, you added to this mentality somehow. Maybe that "I'm Black and I'm Proud" character experienced a great deal of racism and was made to feel inferior in the past because of his/her skin color. More likely than not, the "Ladies Man" not only receives a flood of attention from many women, but was also made to feel like lacking inhibitions with various women is always a good thing by a male role model. Maybe the "Bum" developed this lackadaisical reaction to life and the responsibilities that come with adulthood because his/her parents didn't force the individual to become independent and take responsibility for his/her actions, thus helping to create an individual with no concept of self reliance.  Hey! I really don't know everyone's story but I know that almost noone just wakes up and transforms into some character. don't misunderstand me at all, everyone must eventually take responsibility in some way for why they are the way they are. What I AM saying is that a lot of people didn't get a fair chance at being "socially acceptable" because of the natural reaction of adjusting to circumstances of life.
After accepting that we ALL conform to our perceived depictions of success, comfort, or survival, I had to admit that the only logical reaction is to be a little more accepting and even compassionate of other people, no matter how detestable their current character's disposition may seem. Am I saying to accommodate and reinforce every action and misdeed? Absolutely not, especially when those actions negatively impact you in some way. (Actually, I am a firm believer in redirecting some people when necessary with wisdom and finesse. This doesn't always need to be done in a direct and confrontational way either. Sometimes, silence is the best way to help a person realize his/her actions are unacceptable but I digress). What I AM saying is that sometimes, instead of labeling the "Intellectual" as someone who needs to get off his/her high horse, understand that some people really need the validation of being really smart and base their identity solely on what they know, maybe because they feel that this is all they have going for them. See that the independent woman isn't necessarily this pompous woman with a superiority complex, but as someone who probably developed this persona because someone in her past who should have been there for her completely dropped the ball (parent, ex lover, etc.) and wasn't there when she needed that person the most, causing her to come to the conclusion that independence is the only way to be sure that she is safe and secure.  While this may not be everyone's reason for who they are, there still is a story, one that made them feel the need to adapt, whether the method is flawed or not.

In the minds of some people, no mercy is available to such a person because he/she should "know better." If that's the case, we would all do what we know is right and yet, we all struggle with humanity and imperfection. Everyone is entitled to an opinion of people but I believe this perspective helps to make room for more peace and positivity in life. Know this, if you decided to adopt this view, understand that yeah, people will still do things to get on your nerves. Compassion doesn't mean you don't get annoyed, but that you let your understanding of their situation overwhelm your urge to be contemptuous. We are all products of environments in one way or another.

A Letter to The Beautiful Ones

This is a letter to the beautiful ones. If you don't think you're beautiful then you probably shouldn't be reading this because you might misunderstand me. Mkk? mkk. :)

When we think of some of the most gifted people of the world, we tend to think of the singers, actors, famous painters, sports stars, etc., right? Well, up until recently, one of the most controversial and misunderstood gifts (to me) is the gift of physical beauty. Growing up, I always referenced scriptures expressing how vanity stunts the growth of goodness and purity but today i realize how my understanding of the scriptures was flawed.   I understood both beauty and vanity to be one in the same which is not the case. First of all, most of the references to vanity in the bible could be understood to mean "things of little to no value." I just thought they were referring to a nice physical appearance. Poor me lol.  Because of this misunderstanding, I found myself wrestling with MYSELF at different times. In my teenage years, I so desperately wanted to be known for having a beautiful mind and spirit. Some days I would make it my business to be less physically beautiful while striving to let a light from within shine but other days, I DID want to look beautiful and would end up feeling guilty because I thought I was just being vain. Over time I realized that vanity is not found in the existence and exhibition of beauty, vanity is expressed in the worship and exaltation of the things thought to be beautiful. THEN, i came to the revelation that physical beauty (like the ability to sing, dance, or paint) is a gift, FROM GOD!!! That might sound elementary to some people but to someone like me who was utterly torn and confused, that was an amazing discovery!
A great singer could become completely self-absorbed and cocky because of a mismanagement of his/her gift of song and mind, in turn adopting a god-like complex which would be an example of vanity. It finally hit me! The gift of physical beauty is not a curse, the curse is in how that gift is used. In deeper thought I realized that physical beauty can be a vehicle to accomplish some amazing things. I was brought back to the story of Queen Esther and how she allowed her gift of beauty (among other things) to gain her status from obscurity to royalty and freed an entire nation. She used her beauty to help accomplish something phenomenal (See The Book Of Esther). This made me think.

  Beautiful ones, thank God and be grateful for your gift just as a singer or artist should but understand something: you are not defined by how you look, but by who you are and what you choose to do so add definition to your beauty. Please don't allow others and  yourself to block you from seeing the big picture.  Taking dope Facebook pictures, being on the covers of magazines, appearing in music videos, and being spoiled by men is kid's stuff. Join your physical beauty and your others gifts (because im pretty sure there are others) to the beauty of love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). Add some wisdom and ambition to that mix and be amazed at what you will accomplish! You'll definitely be a force to be reckoned with and your purpose will be revealed. Understand that your purpose is deeper than just posing and being pretty and besides, if all you can add to the world is your looks, then you aren't adding much. People get distracted very easily. If you must be beautiful, be beautiful for a good reason, you know? :)

Women: The Sexy Toys We've Made

    I don't need any approximate numerical statistic to know that most women today (young and old) have a struggle with identity.  Well can you blame us? Just look at our culture! A culture in which most music videos represent women as sex-crazed objects to adhere to the perverted man's lust-driven fantasy. A culture in which the cosmetic industry is a 50 billion+ dollar industry. A culture in  which many of the older women warn their younger women of the importance of keeping their men happy by cooking, cleaning, and being the "yes woman" while keeping an ever-so-sweet smile on their faces, no matter what. A culture in which many men can resort to treating a woman as a non-factor if she doesn't acquiesce to his demeaning requests without complaining, and it's seemingly the norm. In a culture like ours, its VERY easy to become confused! I know I have had MANY internal battles, struggling with the identity the media and society tries to impose upon me versus the identity my God gave me, the identity which brings forth true fulfillment and happiness. Listen, i understand! i really do and i know all about how intense the struggle can be. Let's be real, it can get bad when you are focused on loving the skin you're in while there are barbies walking around, looking amazing, getting attention, and being desired. We as women have a deep desire for two things: love and acceptance. Sadly, acceptance seems to mainly come from conforming to the misogynistic and demeaning ideals of the men who only care about having their egos stroked, among other things. As for love? Since many of the men we encounter today aren't looking for love, but are scavengers for lust, we try to indulge in their lusts in hopes of them magically falling in love, not willing to accept that most men don't associate sex with love, or respect for that matter. So this is what we've been doing: working to get the attention of men however we can, and have worked even harder to try to maintain their attention.
One day, a light bulb went off in my head; Something became extremely clear to me. Funnily enough, the revelation I got is something i believe ALL women know deep down in their hearts (however deep that depth may be), but would  rather believe in a fantasy than reality, or maybe some women hope they will be the anomaly, the exception to the rule. The revelation is simply this: Subjecting ourselves to superficial and degrading ideals in hopes of winning the affection of these types of men is pointless, because all of our displays only gain the attention of men who are insatiable and have no intentions of treating us like nothing more than a piece of meat. If we don't appeal to them in a twisted or objectified manner e.g. the sex kitten, whore, down-for-whatever chick, etc., we aren't worth the time or energy.  What these types of men fail to realize (or don't care to acknowledge) is that women were naturally made physically appealing, BUT we are far more than boobs, butts,and curves. I don't even have to go into the  many women who have helped shaped the world without relying on aesthetics for their definition. Over time, it has become quite obvious that women have intelligence, wit, wisdom, character, skills, and all of the other great characteristics available to men. So then why? Why do we allow the media and those who see us as objects to identify us with such a diminished depiction? Why do we accept it?
While we can't change the past, we can change the future! Start making those who don't edify women realize that you will not accept the sexist and one-sided identity they are trying to force upon you any more! Don't support the music that demeans us! Don't fall into the stereotypes! Don't accept mistreatment as if you've deserved it for being born a woman! If they don't love and accept you, then be grateful, because they've given you a chance to be a woman, not an object. YOU'VE given yourself a chance to have a true identity; take back your identity.

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Now & Later

I can remember watching a program on the Discovery Channel a couple of years ago on child development and how much impact a matter of months can make on the cognitive skills of children. As i recall, there were two subjects, a young child of a particular age and another child about 5 months older than the first child. The researcher explained to both children that they had one of two options. Option one was to receive a small cube of chocolate at that very moment and option two was to receive an entire bar of chocolate after waiting for 10 minutes. Interestingly enough, the first child opted to take the cube right then and there and ate it on the spot but the second child thought about it and decided to wait those ten minutes for the entire chocolate bar.

Even though I'd watched this a while ago, it just occurred to me that even adults think this way and that all people tend to fall under one of two categories: the NOWs who seek instant gratification at the expense of missing out on greater rewards in the future and the LATERs who understand the importance of investing patience, time, and self control in order to receive a far greater and lasting reward in the future.

NOWs and LATERs live their lives drastically different from each other. from the following characteristics, decide whether you are a NOW or a LATER.


1.         


     NOWs AND MONEY
"Nows" characteristically will spend any bit of money they get their hands on on things they really don't need. They tend to waste money on "show items" or things that cost more than they really can afford.


     LATERs AND MONEY
 Laters (like nows) wants nice things and may want to spend carelessly but exercise self-control, save, invest, and are frugal because they understand that if they want to enjoy life later, alleviate the stresses of money matters associated with emergencies, and live comfortably without worry, they need to save now and allow their money to accrue interest.




2.


    NOWs AND RELATIONSHIPS
Nows tend to jump from relationship-to-relationship or have had many sexual partners because all encounters are based solely on attraction or some sort of gratification due to a longing or deep-seated issue. They usually end up repeating the same cycles over and over because of the anticipated relief of sex or the emotional comfort they receive, if only for a short period of time.


       LATERs AND RELATIONSHIPS
Laters are usually very careful as to who they start relationships and have sex with because they understand how much energy, time, and emotion it takes to carry a relationship. To avoid wasting time with someone they have nothing in common with, no coinciding goals, and nothing other than a superficial attraction to, they proceed with caution and are very selective. As far as sex goes, laters understand that unwanted pregnancies and diseases are more likely to appear the more they have sex, that sex is more than just a physical act, and that sex means different things to different people so they run the risk of complicating their lives if they misuse sex.




3.


   NOWs AND BEAUTY
Nows invest great quantities of money, time, and energy into enhancing their physical appearance (surgery, clothes, makeup, etc.) and invest far less in enhancing their mind and character. They tend to take (or consider taking) unnecessary risks (financial and physical) to acquire and maintain a desired physical appearance.


     LATERs AND BEAUTY
Laters understands that the outer shell ages and expires. They understand that investing great sums of money on the outside and neglecting the inside (spirit and soul) is not wise because they know that a noble character and a heart full of knowledge and wisdom have the power to echo throughout time. They will spend time reading, listening, analyzing, and learning. They will utilize character-building information and exercises and spread their acquired character, wisdom, and knowledge to others with the understanding that changing a life can change the course of history. 




4.


   NOWs AND ETERNITY
Most Nows understand very well that there is a place called Heaven and a place called Hell. Unfortunately, because they are so in love with instant gratification they choose to ignore the reality of impending destruction and replace it with a rationale that justifies the pleasure of doing whatever their hearts tell them to do. They live as if their own desires are God not truly realizing that eventually, they will have to be held accountable by the true God for every decision they have made and there will be no excuses. 




    LATERs AND ETERNITY
Overall, true "laters" order their steps in life very carefully, partially because they understand the rules of cause and effect (the other part is because they truly love God and want to do what pleases Him). They acknowledge that they sometimes have the same desires as the "nows" but they stand on the fact that not everything desirable is to be desired. They also understand whatever they sow is what they will reap, whether it be now or later. Ultimately, laters enjoy life but always keep in mind the realities of eternity and govern themselves in a heaven-bound manner. 


You get the idea right? So after reading and pondering on some of the characteristics of Nows and Laters, can you honestly determine which category YOU fall under? If you have come to the shocking conclusion that you are a "now", well, that's ok. You don't have to be a now forever and it's not too late to become a "later." Begin to focus your mind on what you desire your future to be. If you can, write it down. Make a list, a goals chart, or whatever you know will give you a reminder and inspiration to pursue and achieve your future goals. Then, order your steps in a way that will bring you closer to your future desires (or in other words, make every decision as if you future depended on it.) 
Be a later and get your chocolate bar, you'd have earned it :)

Forgiveness, Is There A 12 Step Plan For This?

I used to ALWAYS ask that question for you see, I can be a very concrete individual who needs clear concise instructions to give me an understanding of how to do a thing. When people would say "you need to forgive", my response was always something like "okay, i want to forgive but how do i go about doing it?" and no one had a clear answer. I'm sure you could imagine how frustrating that was for me. You tell me to do something but you don't tell me how.



Well, thats me. Some of us feel as if forgiveness is not something we should have to do or are willing to do, and some of you guys are like me, wanting to forgive but a bit unsure of how to do it. Well, YOU'RE IN LUCK!!! i figured it out (or at lease, i found a method that works for me)


BUT WAIT! i think its important to define the word and get a basic understanding of what forgiveness IS and IS NOT

to forgive is –verb (used with object)

1.

to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.);absolve.

2.

to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation,etc.).

3.

to grant pardon to (a person).

4.

to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one'senemies.

5.

to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive theinterest owed on a loan.

ok, let me address my people who don't think they should forgive. My excuses were "after what they did to me, they don't deserve my forgiveness" or "God understands, this person hurt me so badly" or " i want them to feel my wrath." if that sounds something like you then trust me, i understand you. i feel you. i get you. but if i may, let me approach you in three different ways explaining the benefits of forgiveness. Since humans are tripartite beings (spirit, body, and soul beings) let me touch on the negative effects of unforgiveness on all three parts of the human being. I'll keep it brief :)

PHYSICAL EFFECTS OF UNFORGIVENESS

 research suggests that people with vengeful personalities and a chronic desire to retaliate might put themselves at much higher risk for early death through cardiovascular problems.

Better Health Research shows that resentment and a general lack of forgiveness raises blood pressure, depletes immune systems, makes you more easily depressed, causing stress to the body.

MENTAL EFFECTS OF UNFORGIVENESS

. It also disrupts the harmony of the brain waves, making you less able to think clearly and to make good decisions.

unforgiveness resulting from intrapersonal transgressions may increase levels of guilt, shame, and regret that in turn negatively impact one’s mental health.

SPIRITUAL EFFECTS OF UNFORGIVENESS

Mark 11:25 And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

Colossians 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

1 John 9: 9-10 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives......... So, forgive. You benefit the most from forgiving. 

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The Natural Woman Movement

What is a natural woman? notice, i didnt ask what natural HAIR was because i think we all know the answer to that. The first question has a more complicated answer.

A Natural Woman is by nature nurturing, intelligent/clever, innovative, charming, innovative, powerful, opinionated, and adaptive. Essentially, the descriptive characteristics combined with the physical attributes, and the splendor of femininity combine to create the illustrious natural woman.

NOTE: ALL women are capable of being a natural woman!

In pursuing my purpose, i've come to realize it is my duty to help every girl and woman realize her potential, help free herself from societal and social bondage, and to help ease the brainwashing of past and current generations, and help her discover and embrace the things that make every woman "uniquely her." Also, my purpose is to help all women realize their own purpose and to find fulfillment in herself and God.

Ive started a page on Facebook dedicated to furthering and informing others about this movement. please lend your support by following the link, pressing the "like" button on the page, and spreading the word. Thank you :) http://www.facebook.com/pages/Natural-Woman-Movement-anti-barbie-movement/174113862605616 - THE NATURAL WOMAN MOVEMENT