Apathy Died And Then I Cried

So today as i stood in the subway waiting for my train i noticed an apparently homeless guy walking past. He was slightly staggering, but not from drunkenness. It seemed he was hurting somehow. He looked dirty, his hair matted, but more surprisingly, he wore a red wool pencil skirt. Just reading those words could bring about imagery of comedy but this was no laughing matter, especially since it is freezing and wet outside. As he walked passed me moving from garbage can to garbage can looking carefully inside each of them for food, i watched him. Apathy wanted to creep in to say "you see plenty of these guys on the regular Candy. You will forget him when you look away" but i knew i had to help somehow. I usually don't like to give money, i prefer to give food, but i didnt have any so i hesitated for a brief moment. As he reached about ten feet from me and was headed towards to exit of the platform, something snapped in my heart and i found myself walking quickly towards him while rummaging through my bag for money. I called out to him, gave him some money, and spoke for a brief moment. When i walked back to my little spot, i couldn't stop the tears from streaming down and I tried to use my hair to hide the redness in my face and eyes. My mind started to race.

 I prayed for a while and i began to think about how many people need help. I saw a guy walking in the rain looking as if he had lost everything. He didnt even seem to care about the harsh rain beating down on his face/ a sea of people rushed passed him as if he didnt exist, that sea included me. I wondered "how could i be so cold? what happened to me? why didnt i try harder to help?" It tore me up inside but for a brief moment.

 Ive been told that begging is just a scam and you know what, maybe some of them are scammers, but i cant penalize the sincerely needy because of those evil people. It hurts me so much to think that there have been times when someone asked for food or money and i turned my nose up because of preconceived notions.  on judgement day, if God said "are you willing to bet your entry into heaven based on the accuracy of your judgement of this needy person's situation?" i am not so sure i would be quick to say yes.  don't get me wrong, there are people out there who obviously have a drug issue and to those people, i use discernment but for those who are asking for help, i have no right to turn them away. It's not fair. I'm so saddened by the state of our generation. Everything is about self. I am guilty of this mindset but i know change starts with me. How can i want mercy in my seasons of destitution when i choose not to show it when others are in need? Love needs to be my purpose. Love brings about change. Change begins with me.